Let’s be real for a sec - sex and intimacy are complicated endeavours. From positions to protection, to consent and comfort, old partners and new, every sexual encounter requires preparation and communication before, after, and during. In this blog, we’ll dive into how to talk about sex with your partner, sexual boundaries and communication, and more!

As they say, freak in the sheets, and consent-seeker in the sheets (or something to that effect).

Asking Your Partner for Consent and What it Looks Like

When it comes to consent questions, understanding the importance behind asking them has never been more crucial - for intimacy and comfort! Asking your partner for their consent before sex shows:

• Respect for their Autonomy

• A Desire for Mutual Willingness

• An Effort to Build Trust and Emotional Safety

• You Want to Promote Open Communication During Sex

How Do I Ask For Consent?

Good question! Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Be clear and direct: "Is this okay with you?" or "Do you want to try this?" or even something along the lines of “Can I touch you here?”

• Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues and give your partner the time and space to react accordingly.

• Respect a "no" or hesitation without pressure or guilt. It’s their human right to refuse or even change their mind at the last minute. Remember, nobody is obligated to have sex with anyone!
  

Having the STI Talk with Your Partner

We cannot stress this enough - safe sex conversations with your partner are super important! Here’s why:

• Discussing sexual health helps you both protect yourselves more effectively.

•  Knowing each other’s sexual history and STI status can help both partners feel more comfortable.
•  Having the talk, and even getting tested for STIs, can help prevent further transmission! Which introduces responsibility and empowers both partners.

How to Ask About STI Status Before Sex (Without Making it Awkward)

It can be intimidating to ask such a personal question, so here’s our advice:

• Be direct but kind: "Hey, I think it’s important for us to talk about sexual health before we take things further. When was the last time you got tested?"

• Normalize the conversation: "I get tested regularly, and I think it’s a good practice for both of us. How do you feel about it?"
• Remember to be non-judgmental! Approach the topic with care and understanding, nobody likes opening up and then getting shamed for it.

• Let them open up first: “Is there anything you’d like me to know about your sexual history?”
  

Asking Your Partner About Their Sexual Preferences (and Establishing Boundaries)

At the end of the day we believe that the key to having healthy sexual relationships lies in displaying care, respect and a desire for mutual enjoyment. Part of that comes from establishing boundaries and asking your partner about what turns them on (and what doesn’t).

Here’s why it's so important:

• Discussing preferences openly fosters emotional closeness and trust.

• Asking ensures you’re both on the same page, which is essential for avoiding doing things they (or you) are uncomfortable with.

• Knowing your partner’s preferences also means understanding their limits (and keeps you from crossing their boundaries).

How to Ask Your Partner About Their Turn Ons (and Turn Offs)

There are loads of ways to learn what your partner likes! Here are a few of our suggestions:

• Be curious and open-minded: "What do you enjoy most when it comes to intimacy?"

• Create a safe space: "You can tell me anything -I really want to make sure we’re both comfortable and having a good time."

• Share your own preferences, too: "I really like [X]. What about you?"

• Normalize the conversation: "I think it’s important for us to talk about what we like so we can both have a great experience."

Emotional Readiness and Checking in with Your Partner

This is something we believe definitely falls under sexual consent and comfort but it's broad enough to be a topic all its own! Asking if your partner is emotionally ready to have sex is crucial for so many reasons, here are a few:  

• Sex isn’t just a physical act - it can be deeply emotional and intimate. Making sure your partner is emotionally ready ensures that the experience is positive and meaningful.

• Checking in about emotional readiness shows that you care about your partner’s feelings and well-being.

• Asking helps avoid negative feelings like pressure, anxiety or regret, and ensures that both partners are fully present and willing.

• Everyone processes emotions differently. Some people might need more time or emotional connection before feeling ready for sex. Asking ensures you’re respecting their pace and boundaries.

How to Ask About Emotional Readiness

The key, in our humble opinion, is to use a gentle approach:

• Be considerate and understanding: "How are you feeling about taking this step? I want to make sure you’re comfortable."

• Create a judgment-free zone: "There’s no pressure - I just want to check in and see how you’re feeling emotionally."

• Share your own feelings: "I’m really excited about this, but I want to make sure we’re both in a good place emotionally. How do you feel?"

How to Communicate During Sex (and Why it Matters)

Communicating during intimate acts isn’t just about avoiding discomfort - it’s about enhancing connection, pleasure, and trust. But there’s more to it than that! Here’s why sexual communication matters:

• It ensures ongoing consent (and let’s either party stop immediately if that’s no longer the case).

• It enhances pleasure! Communication during the act is a surefire way to know what turns you and your partner on, which keeps the heat on high.

• Talking openly during sex fosters emotional closeness and trust. It shows that you care about your partner’s feelings and comfort.

• It creates a safe space, and acts of intimacy being as vulnerable as they are, it’s incredibly important to make sure both partners feel safe and respected.

How to Keep an Open Dialogue While Being Intimate

This takes some tact (and a lot of attention) but once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature! Here are some tips:

• Ask simple, direct questions: Like, "Does this feel good?", "Do you like this?", or “Should I keep going, or try something else?”

• Pay attention to non-verbal cues: Notice your partner’s body language, facial expressions, and sounds. If they seem uncomfortable or tense, check in with them.

• Let your partner know it's okay for them to express their needs: "I want you to feel good - let me know what you need."

• Use positive affirmations: Telling your partner how much you’re enjoying the experience with them enhances not only their pleasure but also the degree to which you’re both able to comfortably communicate.

There you have it! 5 questions for couples before intimacy and why they’re so important. But don’t forget, sex and intimacy isn’t a one-blog-solves-all kind of endeavour.

When you really get down to it, it’s about what works and feels comfortable for you, your partner and the type of relationship you have. Incorporating these questions in your own way is always recommended - as long as you’re both doing what feels authentic for you!

ENHANCE YOUR INTIMACY