Forget what you’ve seen in porn or in movies, great sex doesn’t just happen. This doesn’t mean you should put up with bad sex, if you’re not having the kind that leaves you wanting more you need to do something about it… After all, your pleasure is your responsibility!

The Good News? Things Can Always Get Better

In relationships, sexual compatibility is often seen as a make-or-break factor in relationships. Couples may assume that if they're not syncing up in the bedroom, it's a sign that the relationship is doomed. However, the truth is that sex can improve if you're willing to communicate about it. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and neither are you. Whether you're in a long-term partnership or a casual relationship, sexual communication is key to deepening intimacy and satisfaction. Learning how to express sexual desire openly and honestly can transform your connection and elevate your shared experiences.

 Here’s 8 Ways to Improve Sexual Communication & Get What You Want in The Bedroom

1. Break the Taboo

You've challenged yourself by asking your boss for a raise, running a half marathon, and traveling solo. Yet, asking for what you want in bed remains a daunting task. Why is that, and isn’t it time to change the narrative? In today's world, where we champion individuality, embrace diversity, and celebrate open-mindedness, it’s time to break the taboo around sexual satisfaction.

Sexual desires and preferences are a natural part of being human, and expressing them shouldn't be met with fear or shame. Open communication about preferences, boundaries, and desires fosters trust, strengthens intimacy, and enhances sexual satisfaction. So don’t hold back.

2. Choose the Right Moment

Knowing how to express sexual desire is all about the right timing, as it sets the tone for open communication and ensures both you and your partner feel comfortable and receptive to each other's needs. Remember, it’s important to be specific about what you want. Vague feedback might not lead to the changes you’d like, and instead might imply to your partner that you're dissatisfied with your overall sex life. Instead, be specific about what you want, "I’d like more pressure on my clitoris at a slow pace," when discussing oral sex.

 Small Adjustments: 

• Switching positions, changing angles, or minor requests can often be made in the moment.
• Phrase requests as questions, statements of desire, or within agreed dynamics with your partner.

• Choose a moment of passion when you both feel comfortable and connected.

Significant Adjustments:

• If your request is more substantial or outside your usual repertoire, it's best to bring it up outside the bedroom.
• Examples include wanting more oral, your partner to take more initiative, or introducing a new kink.

• Give your partner time to process your idea without pressure, allowing them to freely express excitement or decline without feeling pressured.
  

 3. Use Technology to Your Advantage

 If you find talking face to face is too daunting, you’re in luck because sexting is not only hot, but can also be a very effective tool of communication. A word of caution: before you start, make sure your partner can read your text in private! Once you’ve checked in and got the go ahead to send NSFW (Not Safe For Work) texts, go wild.

Tell your partner what new thing you’d like to try or what you’ve been fantasizing about.

4. Practice Makes Perfect

Masturbation can be a powerful tool for understanding your own pleasure preferences. Take the time to explore your body and discover what scents and sensations are most pleasurable to you. Experiment with different techniques, speeds, and pressures to uncover what truly excites you. Plus: incorporating sex toys into your solo play can also enhance your understanding of your desires.

 Once you've discovered what brings you pleasure, don't hesitate to share your findings with your partner. Use nonverbal cues to guide them during intimate moments, showing them the type of touch and pressure that feels best for you. For example, you can take their hand and demonstrate the specific motions you enjoy. 

5. Try the Red, Yellow, Green System

Borrowed from the kink community, this system can be a really helpful way of opening discussions around trying something new in the bedroom.

 Take a list of sex acts then individually mark them as Red, Yellow, or Green: 

• Red sex acts (things you would never do)

• Yellow acts (things you would be willing to try in the right context)

• Green acts (things you love and are often down to do)

This system removes the fear of being rejected, because as a couple you can cross check your lists and stick to yellow or green sex acts.

 Remember, sexual compatibility is a journey, not a destination. It's about communication, exploration, and mutual satisfaction. By improving sexual communication, you can unlock deeper levels of intimacy and understanding with your partner. So, get going and start advocating for your pleasure today.